I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
