Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
