God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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