I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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