Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mom said you looked used
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
