So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
