Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
