youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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