I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
