R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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