I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
