Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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