Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
