my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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