She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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