If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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