i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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