I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
