Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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