just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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