it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
