I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
