dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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