oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
