its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
