I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
