i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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