No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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