i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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