U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
