you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
