I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
