I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
