Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
