Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
