Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
