wrigley field is MILF paradise
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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