just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think people are normalizing furries
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
