I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
