The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
