Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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