thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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