You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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