I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
