I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
