2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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