I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
