Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
