Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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