He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
