I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
